To reference the original article visit: http://jandjparenting.blogspot.com/2016/09/family-physical-and-emotional-safety.html
26 Oct 2016 Update
Couples Prayer and Scripture Study
Personal study of the gospel has improved since my recent General Conference #17DayLDSConfChallenge https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/17dayldsconfchallenge?source=feed_text&story_id=10153718452431534
However 8pm comes and something else is already happening. Will need to come to a time we can commit to and update later. That will be me goal.
Temple Attendance:
I missed one morning for the sake of putting family needs first and haven't been back since. I think I need to re-evaluate my exceptions, I felt I was doing so well. I feel so sad about this. It's not worth it. Just stick to your commitments, it's so much easier NOT to go when you falter on your commitment ONCE. =(
Physical Safety:
This doesn't seem to be an issue. Guess that's good right? =) Places are established, I just haven't need to use them. We'll have to see how this changes with the increase in committment I'm giving to account for my schedule, staying off facebook,etc. But for now, I'm feeling very good about this. Kids and parents alike have been physically kind with very few exceptions where O and AB fight on each other.
Emotional Safety:
Especially since establishing and being increasingly vocal about our 3 house rules, this area has improved. I haven't been tracking whitelists, quite frankly it was just all too much. Basic rules base on principles have proven to be much more effective and constant. 1. Be Kind, 2 - Be Gentle, 3 - Be Reverent. The kids keep me in check and I keep them in check. It's been wonderful to get these rules rolling.
Coping Tools:
Still got my music to draw on, which seems to be a recurring tool I turn to. Implimenting 20 min timer for work, kids, and household tasks. Go for 20 min, then take a break and do something physical 8-5. Maybe something electronic after that. Going to see how this new coping tool helps for the next few weeks.
28 Sept 2016 Update
Couples Prayer and Scripture Study
Jos and I have not been reading our scriptures like we planned, but have set a time which should help, for 8pm each evening. This should allow for the kids to be in bed, and we can dedicate 20 min to scripture study.
Temple Attendance:
I've had perfect attendance for 5 weeks in a row. Last Saturday my mom was kind enough to watch all 3 kids so we could go to the temple together!
Physical Safety:
Have you ever handled a baby who for whatever reason is unable to be consoled. =( Breaks my heart. I had one instance where JH was crying inconsolably. He was fed, burped, had a fresh diaper on, was done kicking on his back, squirmed while being held, wouldn't sit forward facing, and all while attempting to address a time sensitive task for work. I could feel tension and frustration building, so to avoid any childish frustrating roughness, I laid him in his crib and took a minute to stretch and breath for 5 min before picking him up again by which time I was calm, in control and could hold him lovingly. I hope I'm not the only one who starts feeling this way then things get intense. You may think, how could you ever be rough with such a helpless, precious little baby? Truthfully, I'm not sure, it's something relatively new for me. With mandatory things competing for your attention, there's a tension that builds that blurs logic and objectivity. Fight/flight takes over becoming short and rash. It's hard for me to write about, because I'm not a violent or abusive person. But I can see when the stresses of life piles on, and or you get a person with a less calm personality, it's easy to see why or how someone might result to abuse. We however refuse to ever let things get to that point, so here's to safety places and coping tools!
Emotional Abuse:
There were times Sunday and Tuesday this week where I raised my voice at the kids. This is something I always promised Josie I would never do. I get the appeal that yelling gets results and conformity, but it has no place in the home of an Latter-day Saint family.
Also, there have been a couple of times when AB is being either super silly, or not listening where I've cut her off and dismissed her abruptly. I don't feel this is appropriate behavior either. After either instance, I try to make a point to apologize, say I love them, help them laugh to get them in a better mood, then give them a hug while explaining why I'm hugging them, and apologizing again. Sometimes this is followed by a few minutes of dedicated play.
I'll still have to make the white-list board, but for now, this week we're reminding both what an inside voice and what an outside voice sounds like and when is appropriate for either.
Coping Tools
Listened to calming music on Spotify, started stretching, even did a hypnosis session. Also wore oils. Music seemed most effective.
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