I've heard of Brown's work before, but had never read him. It wasn't until I was reading Brene Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: Rising Children with Courage, Compassion & Connection", (which it seems is pretty close if not identical to the last few chapters of "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead") that I decided to dive into Brown's book, Play. I'm so glad I did.
For me, parenting has become a burdensome endeavor and as of late I've found no joy or life in it. To me it's just plain old boring adulting without reward, only duty. The book explained that the opposite of play was not work. Work and play go hand in hand. But the opposite of play was depression. This is when a light turned on for me. I have lost my sense of play with my kids, and in many areas of my life. I've forgotten how to play! So I listened through it twice looking for principles I could apply to my role as a parent to see if I could go about changing that for the better.
Allow me to give two fundamental take away which I'll be using as a framework to explore play over the next 8 weeks. Properties of play and modes of play.
Allow me to give two fundamental take away which I'll be using as a framework to explore play over the next 8 weeks. Properties of play and modes of play.
Nothing will do better to define play then to list it's properties, as it's specifics may be different for everyone. Brown has boiled the properties of play down to the following:
Properties of Play
1 Play is Apparently Purposeless
2 Play is Voluntary
3 Play has an Inherent Attraction
4 Play involves a Freedom from Time
5 Play involves a Diminished Consciousness of Self
6 Play involves Improvisational Potential
7 Play produces Continuation Desire
Let's quickly look at an example of children wrestling on the floor with their dad. 1.) it serves no productive end, 2.) no one is required to participate, yet without prompting might easily start as 1 kid can end up in a large doggy pile on dad. 3.) squeals of delight from a capture in dad's clutches might reveal that its fun for all 4.) No one is watching the clock or concerned with how much time is passing since fully engaged. 5.) No one is concerned about how they will look upside-down, or flushed in the face, or sweating even. 6.) Attacks can come from multiple angles, be easier or more difficult at any given time. 7.) When dad says "I'm pooped" the kids cry, "No! More Daddy, catch me, get me, let me climb on you!" or the like.
But Jake, I don't enjoy wrestling, things might break, someone might get hurt, I don't want to get sweaty or be THAT active - I'd be out of energy!
That's fine, because each person has their own play personality, and rough and tumble play is not the only form of play - there are at least 8 personalities explored in Brown's research. They are as follows.
Personalities of Play
1.) The Joker
Properties of Play
1 Play is Apparently Purposeless
2 Play is Voluntary
3 Play has an Inherent Attraction
4 Play involves a Freedom from Time
5 Play involves a Diminished Consciousness of Self
6 Play involves Improvisational Potential
7 Play produces Continuation Desire
Let's quickly look at an example of children wrestling on the floor with their dad. 1.) it serves no productive end, 2.) no one is required to participate, yet without prompting might easily start as 1 kid can end up in a large doggy pile on dad. 3.) squeals of delight from a capture in dad's clutches might reveal that its fun for all 4.) No one is watching the clock or concerned with how much time is passing since fully engaged. 5.) No one is concerned about how they will look upside-down, or flushed in the face, or sweating even. 6.) Attacks can come from multiple angles, be easier or more difficult at any given time. 7.) When dad says "I'm pooped" the kids cry, "No! More Daddy, catch me, get me, let me climb on you!" or the like.
But Jake, I don't enjoy wrestling, things might break, someone might get hurt, I don't want to get sweaty or be THAT active - I'd be out of energy!
That's fine, because each person has their own play personality, and rough and tumble play is not the only form of play - there are at least 8 personalities explored in Brown's research. They are as follows.
Personalities of Play
1.) The Joker
2.) The Kinesthete
3.) The Explorer
4.) The Competitor
5.) The Director
6.) The Collector
7.) The Artist/Creator
8.) The Storyteller
3.) The Explorer
4.) The Competitor
5.) The Director
6.) The Collector
7.) The Artist/Creator
8.) The Storyteller
Stay tuned for the next 8 week as I'll attempt to adopt one personality of play a week and play for 1 hour with my kids each day as we discover together what each mode is all about.
Adopting a playful attitude with children might easily help resolve conflicts that might otherwise prove to be very pain staking for parents. Take for example the 8 different modes applied to 1 situational problem. Adopting a playful approach to problem solving can in essence be one way to make a person to be loved more important than a problem to be solved, yet accomplish both.
Problem: Child will not eat a slice of pizza with veggies on it.
1.) Joker - Pretend the child's pizza is yours - inform them they are not to eat YOUR pizza. Turn way for a moment then flinging back covet the pizza by insisting that it not get so close to them and certainly NOT their mouth. "DON'T eat MY pizza!" put it back in front of them and turn away. Hopefully the child will think it funny as your reactions become more exaggerated the closer the pizza gets to their mouth, or the more they've eaten. Turning back each time to covet the pizza back and repeating the process until the pizza is gone.
Adopting a playful attitude with children might easily help resolve conflicts that might otherwise prove to be very pain staking for parents. Take for example the 8 different modes applied to 1 situational problem. Adopting a playful approach to problem solving can in essence be one way to make a person to be loved more important than a problem to be solved, yet accomplish both.
Problem: Child will not eat a slice of pizza with veggies on it.
1.) Joker - Pretend the child's pizza is yours - inform them they are not to eat YOUR pizza. Turn way for a moment then flinging back covet the pizza by insisting that it not get so close to them and certainly NOT their mouth. "DON'T eat MY pizza!" put it back in front of them and turn away. Hopefully the child will think it funny as your reactions become more exaggerated the closer the pizza gets to their mouth, or the more they've eaten. Turning back each time to covet the pizza back and repeating the process until the pizza is gone.
2.) Kinesthete - A child can race to the counter then back to the counter for another bite. But they cannot have another bite until the counter has been touched again.
3.) Explorer - Encourage the child to pick up a red pepper and see how it tastes differently than a green pepper or an olive. Have them eat the pizza backwards or upside doesn't to see if it tastes any different. If two options are available, have them smell the difference between the two and they can only eat it if it's guessed correctly.
3.) Explorer - Encourage the child to pick up a red pepper and see how it tastes differently than a green pepper or an olive. Have them eat the pizza backwards or upside doesn't to see if it tastes any different. If two options are available, have them smell the difference between the two and they can only eat it if it's guessed correctly.
4.) Competitor - Race to finish before a sibling. Who can eat more? Who can chew 1 bite longest with their mouth closed before taking another bite? Who can take the smallest bite? Finish in the fewest bites?
5.) Director - Have the child pretend that their arm is not their own, but a robots. In order for the child to be fed, they must give directions to their own hand on how to move in order to feed themselves. In robotic tone, "Grab pizza. Lift hand. move to face. Bite and chew. Lower hand. Need oil grease, joints are jamming..."
6.) Collector - Have the child pick off all the different pieces and sort them into piles on their plate. Deposit each collection the the vault one ingredient at a time.
7.) Artist/Creator - Perhaps the child could chew out a mouth and or eyes out of the pizza to make a face - rearrange ingredients to make a picture, or build a structure before consuming it.
6.) Collector - Have the child pick off all the different pieces and sort them into piles on their plate. Deposit each collection the the vault one ingredient at a time.
7.) Artist/Creator - Perhaps the child could chew out a mouth and or eyes out of the pizza to make a face - rearrange ingredients to make a picture, or build a structure before consuming it.
8.) The pizza has come from a freezer in which all the frozen food conversed. They'd all brag about how much frost had developed on their surfaces, and wondered how it might feel in a warm cozy oven or microwave. Then it's ingredient's who had lain dormant for so long could really come to live and fulfill their purpose. In all their glory they revived in the toasty heat of the oven and the cheese sizzled in joyous laughter to know that it too would soon be eaten, and wondered what the child was like, happy to see them. Anticipation grew as the child lifted the pizza to his mouth, YES the moment I've been waiting for, thought the pepperoni, please sir, bite me into a crescent moon so that I might live in the sky if but for a brief moment? The crumbs in the pizza pan stirred in satisfied accomplishment as the pizza was finished by all at the table.
Wish me luck, and revisit often for updates, ideas and lots and lots of fun to come in the next 8 weeks of adventure and exploration. (Ideas anyone on one of my favorite personalities of play?)
