STOP Abusing Anger: Embrace Embarassment

I have a confession to make. But before I make said confession, lets all just agree that we're all doing the best we can and adulting + parenting is a just plain tough.

Confession:
I'm an angry person. Anger doesn't define me.
I'm a parent who is apparently angry too often. Anger doesn't sub-define me.
I'm a good Dad, but I also experience, act, and react to feelings of anger more often than I'd like to admit.

As an observation in myself, I find that anger based reactions are, more often than not, rooted in some kind of embarrassment followed by escape-goating or blame. To transform reacting into responding, I've found it effective to take responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings and behavior FIRST, before or in place of calling someone else out, blaming or even coaching, someone else's behavior that led me to react in the first place.

Lemme 'splain. This morning, I found my very expensive pair of studio headphones broken, which put me into reactive "downstairs-brain" mode. It was actually kind of entertaining to observe myself go from shocked, to sad, to angry, to noticing my glance or expression, from ready to pounce and go all ape crazy on the offender, to seeing him (my 3 year old freeze and look sorry) to feeling remorse for looking so scary, to clicking "Embarrassed". I realized I was the one who didn't put them away, then angry again that he played with them even though I've told him that they aren't to play with, to realize that was an escape goat, and that I'm bigger than him, so why should I expect him to act bigger than me? all in the matter of like 5 seconds!

Fortunately, I was able to take responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings and behavior, before I raised my voice, struck fear, and or acted on any other ape crazy instincts. See, this wasn't the first time I've been embarrassed by my own behavior, but it was, I feel a pivotal successful moment as a parent when I fully owned up to my own thoughts, feelings and behavior, BEFORE reacting in one way or another, by naming it to tame it! I journaled about my previously lost battle, and because of that was better able to respond to feelings of anger, in a way that felt masterful.

How do you respond to embarrassment? Are you aware, able to acknowledge, and ready to take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and behavior? Doesn't have to be about anger or embarrassment, but if you'll take some time to journal about your lost battles, you too can come off conquer and win the war and become the kind of parent you've always hoped you'd be. Never give up. They're worth it. You're worth it! We've got this!